Barren
by mysticxf
Summary: Spoilers through 'Maternity Leave'. Kate watches Jack with Aaron.


Lost belongs to JJ Abrams, Bad Robot, and all else involved. I'm just kicking myself for fun here. Spoilers through 'Maternity Leave'. Kate watches Jack with Aaron.

Lost – Barren

By Mystic

March 6th 2006

Kate missed talking to him. She watched him laugh, crouched in front of Claire and Aaron, his hand reaching into the crib to nuzzle the bare belly of the boy who squealed excitedly. She leaned her chin against her arms and rocked slightly, her back pressing into the tree she'd been sitting under.

She missed his voice. That cocky arrogance that tainted it unknowingly. The way he smiled with his eyes when he was amused. The way his chin seemed more pointed when he laughed; how his forehead scrunched when his eyebrows shot up in surprise. Mostly, how his body used to straighten when he was around her. Trying to impress her or out-do her, she didn't know, but she missed it.

He spoke to Claire – confident and assuring – and she nodded and cuddled her own child. Kate felt something inside her burn, with a yearning or jealousy, she couldn't quite distinguish it, but it hurt from her heart to her belly. It pulsed and made her grit her teeth as Jack put a finger in the boy's greedy hand, watching him bring it to his small mouth to suck. Jack raised his eyes to Kate's and she saw the smile fade off his face before he turned back to the boy and pulled his hand away.

Kate lowered her head, pressing it warm against her right arm, her fingers squeezing tightly into her left elbow. She remembered a time not long ago when the possibility of her and Jack was so pungent in her mind she could taste him on her lips. She inhaled, long and steady, until it hurt her lungs and when she heard the crunch of sand coming closer her heart swelled with that possibility again.

But then it extinguished as her brain convinced her it was Claire. Claire coming to tell her the baby was alright. To look at her with those all too blue eyes and smile and show off the soft chubby body that seemed to radiate even in the darkest of nights. Kate could still feel the warm child held tightly to her chest, screaming into her ear as he gripped at stray strands of hair she couldn't quite keep in her ponytail.

If she tried, she could even smell him, that baby scent that went away as they passed their terrible two's no matter how much cologne you put on them. Kate's eyes burned. It wasn't that long ago that the possibility of children made her glow and grin and start to daydream of the scent of a freshly painted pastel yellow and green room, the wooden cradle still half assembled in a corner and stuffed animals tossed about a soft off-white carpet.

Kate felt a hand on her shoulder. Delicate and comforting and it made her head jerk up too quick, her eyes revealing a sadness she didn't want known. She was stronger than the memories. But Jack stared down at her and the coldness faded as he took her in. She could see him reaching to unzip his backpack and felt the cool back of his hand press against her forehead before she could argue.

"You have a fever," he told her plainly, but she could hear the way his voice trembled just a bit.

Her mind wanted to tell him she felt fine, to kick in the defense mechanisms she'd created during her childhood and strengthened as she got older, but her mouth remained shut. She closed her eyes slightly when his hand cupped her cheek and then her neck. He shook his head and his eyebrows lowered and his lips pressed together. He looked down into his bag and his hand left her skin, leaving her frowning, her head finding another comfortable spot against her arm.

"Kate," he said suddenly, scaring her with his intensity.

She pulled her head back up lazily finding him holding a bottle of water, his free hand hovering near her, wanting to touch her, and she straightened, her arms unfolding, her hand reaching out to take the bottle. It felt cold against her palm and she took a long drink while he watched, his mind working to find words to say. For a moment, she felt her throat constrict, felt her eyes pressing together.

"You should come back to the hatch with me, lie down and get some rest." He shook his head, his eyes wandering up and down the beach, trying to mask his concern. For a moment he seemed to reconsider. "You might have caught whatever Aaron had," he said, his eyes focusing on the boy and his mother.

"Then I'll be fine." Kate choked on the words, watching the way he turned back and cocked his head slightly, his eyes softening and his mouth parting as though he wanted so badly to tell her something, but was too hurt by the words to.

Jack shook his head, shaking away the thoughts and words she wanted him to tell her. Then he nodded, zipping up his pack and he stood. "If you start to break out with a rash, or if you start to feel worse, have someone get me." His body was stiff, his voice cold and she nodded. "I don't want you going off into the jungle until this passes, ok?"

Her eyes found the ocean.

"Kate."

"Ok, Jack," she nodded, her voice nothing more than agreeable and she could see him walking slowly back towards the others. She could see him shaking his head and she felt her eyes burning again, but this time she let them cry because she hurt all over. Not from sickness or heartbreak, but for the mourning of dreams that would never come to pass.

Finis


End file.
